Do you have a dream of something you would love to do, achieve, or be? Are you chasing it?

What’s holding you back?

It’s hard, sometimes, to believe in your ability to be or do everything you dream about – especially in the face of all the negative messages we’re surrounded by daily, and the unrealistic expectations we can never live up to, that leave us feeling less than everyone else (even though pretty much everyone else probably feels the same). Even the most determined person has their dark moments. But it’s the people who get through those moments, pull strength from them to fuel their goals, that enjoy the greatest success on the other side.

Self doubt is nothing new. It’s something we’ve all faced. How do we deal with it? When the group “Human Nature” came to my home town I had the opportunity to ask them about how they overcame those moments. Their answer? There were four of them, they helped each other. Support.

Not all of us have a close knit group like that we can turn to, though, and so some of us have to work to form our own support groups, or take advantage of the growing number of support services that are available today. Coaches, mentors, even therapists, to some extent will form the backup we rely on when we hit the dark times. Other possible support sources you can use to fall back on are common interest groups (especially if you’re pursuing a specific goal that ties in with them – like music, for example), local community organisations and probably the most frequent, our circle of friends.

The trick, of course, is to turn to the most appropriate place for help at the time. Say, for example, you’ve got a friend who’s wonderful, except that she doesn’t believe in your dream, and tells you all the reasons you won’t succeed (we’ve all met them, haven’t we?) When you’re feeling like maybe you aren’t good enough to pull it off, this is NOT the person to bring it up with. If you’re lucky enough to have a life coach or mentor, they are a wonderful place to turn for support – but only if you’re willing to do some looking for yourself at the reasons behind your doubt. If you just need a quick “shot in the arm” pep-talk, you might look somewhere else again. Use your judgement, but the more sources you have to turn to, the more likely you are to succeed. It’s a lot harder to do anything going it alone. (Could this have something to do with why there are more rock groups than solo artists?) Put your networks in place now, before you need them (and be willing to give as well as receive), and you will never look back.

There is another trick, if you haven’t got another place to turn to, or someone whose belief in you can re-ignite your belief in yourself (those friends are like gold – rare and precious). If you are having trouble believing in your ability to achieve a goal, you can take yourself out of the equation a bit by focusing instead on the goal itself. How important is it? How much do you want to see it happen? Let the passion of your ideals fire you up to take action, and forget about your fears. After all, chances are if it’s YOUR goal there’s not going to be anyone else working to achieve it from exactly the same angle – it’s you or nothing.

It amazes me how easily we forget about our doubts and fears when we’re caught up in activity. It’s also useful when you have something you don’t want to do, because as soon as you get started you forget about why you want to avoid it and just get on with it (that’s why the old “do 5 minutes now and THEN stop/watch TV/whatever” trick works so well – even if you aren’t caught up in getting it done at the end of 5 minutes, you’re that much closer to finishing it and it’s not so big and fearful anymore!)

But above all, the key to overcoming self-doubt lies in you. The more practise you get at believing in your abilities the easier it will be to keep growing that belief. Part of the sense of satisfaction at the end of a job well done is just that – feedback to our self-esteem saying “look what you can and have accomplished!” The same with letting go of your limits and fears – practise makes it much easier. I talk some more about this in the free course. I’d like to end this article with a quote that I use to remind myself of the principle:

“If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” – Henry Ford

[This is an article from my original Self Positivity newsletter, updated slightly to make it current]